Minor Updates

Just a few minor updates for Daybreak to announce:

  • Rewrote the third scene in v3ch10 (the tactical meeting after Cecylia's encounter with Lotharin racism). I do have the habit of editing a lot and ch10/ch11 is being pulled on especially for being unsatisfactory in my mind. You can check it out or wait till later when the volume is finished and all the major edits have gone in.
  • Updated battle maps for v3ch13 - hopefully this version is less overcrowded / confusing. You may need to refresh page to see it.
  • Posted the Hyperion military structure/organization as a special chapter - I've tried to discuss this in story several times but... the writing just always feels so dry. Thus it'll just be attached as a supplementary information for those interested.

Comments on any of the changes would be welcomed, whether you liked or disliked it. Chapter 13 - the battle of Gwilen River - received a lot less comments than usual, so I've been wondering if people disliked it, found it confusing, inconsistent, or anything like that?

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14 thoughts on “Minor Updates

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  1. Shiina Kochiya

    Hmm... If I try to press some commentary out of myself... This isn't about the chapter but rather in regards to your habit of revising chapter content post-release (beyond grammatical/spelling edits). Typically I'll read your chapters within 0-4 days of them being released, and I'll take them in as they are at that point, rapidly read them until the end, then think to myself "Damn, I'm out of Daybreak to read. Time to wait again. Grr". And I never return to read it again after that, neither if you announce that some modifications have been made, nor when the volume is released as a whole with all such edits included.

    A personal guideline that I try to follow when consuming media for leisure is to refrain from repeat consumption. This applies regardless of the medium (with music as an exception): I don't replay games, I don't rewatch anime, webseries, or other television shows, and I don't reread books or comics. I do this because I figure that if I'm going to spend X amount of time consuming media, I'd gain more experiential wealth from, say, reading two different books, than I would from reading the same book twice.

    Perhaps that's not exactly the type of commentary you were soliciting, but... I just thought you having knowledge of the existence of such a perspective might be useful for you. >.>

    About the chapter though... All the commentary that I have about it is that even reading it prior to your aforementioned edits, I didn't have any qualms or issues, including with the battle maps.

    Your chapters seem to have been gradually increasing in length though, which is nice. Previously when opening the blog page for one of your newly released chapters, I would compare the number of user comments to the size of the webpage's scroll bar and estimate how much of that space was occupied by the story itself. I had honed the accuracy of that sense over several chapters, and was satisfied with it, but somehow for the past few chapters I've been pleasantly surprised as my estimates fell short and there was more Daybreak to read than I had anticipated...

    Or perhaps that's simply because the old common theme among chapter discussions (debating the strategic, scientific, and sociopolitical viability of development of further gunpowder-based combat technology) has lost some of its popularity and therefore the average length of the chapter comments are smaller than before... Speaking of which, about half a year (?) ago I undertook that challenge myself and contemplated the issue in-depth for 1-2 hours, but as for some logical progression by which those developments could arise out of the current status quo of the governing nobility and the dynamics of magic applied in large-scale combat, I too came up empty-handed. I suppose it's possible that they might develop in alternate societies/cultures present on the same planet/dimension as Weichsel et al. (perhaps on other continents?), and then be introduced somehow, e.g. through warfare or trade... @_@

    On a different note though, I did read your military organization special chapter. I've seen that, hmm, narrative technique? be employed in other stories as well - the inclusion in a publication (say, a chapter of manga) of a subsection inside the story's setting but outside the story itself, in order to provide additional data and further flesh out the setting for the readers. I think it's a valuable addition to the overall art-verse, and I'd much rather have the option of learning about details X, Y, and Z through these separate "special chapters" than the alternative of not learning those details at all. But I would say that a truly perfect writer, if there even is such a thing, would succeed at including such data in the main work but somehow having it be a boon rather than a detriment to the flow of the story... In some cases that might be beyond the limits of language though.

    Which brings me to my final point - your next mission! You must go forth and unlock the deepest secrets of linguistics, then invent an entire Hyperian language structured specifically to maximize the potential of artworks created with it, and rewrite the story in this language in such a way that the readers learn by heart the most obscure vagaries of said language merely by reading it... Just kidding. *giggles*

    I mean, you cooooould if you want to... But no pressure. *Pats Aorii's head* Just keep being you, gradually and steadily improving your skills as you craft at your own pace the Daybreak that we all know and love. =D

    P.S. On the topic of extra data about the setting, what can you tell us about the Shahdom of Chorasmia? Of all the nations depicted on your map in chapter 1-7, it's the one that's been discussed the least in-story (if even at all?). Is it something you've ironed out any details about even for yourself? Or maybe you included it in the map to leave a gateway into your story allowing for more potential creative directions in the future, if you so choose? I've been curious about it ever since that map was released... Perhaps some details have been revealed about it and I just missed them x.x...

    Reply
    1. AoriiAorii Post author

      Oh sure, I understand. I don't expect people to re-read; certainly not large chunks of it. It's why if I do make an important enough change, I tend to either put it into a post's quote block, or point out the exact scene that was rewritten. It's also why I put a lot of emphasis on chapter editing so I don't have the urge to change as much after it's posted. Nevertheless, I do a lot of batch editing (every 5 chapters; every 10 chapters; and when the vol finishes)... just like a real author would edit after finishing writing the first draft for an entire volume.

      Chapter length does grow over the course of a volume as the topic veers more and more serious (slice-of-life chapters are shorter as a general rule). But yeah... comments have definitely lessened. Whether that's because people are waiting for the volume to finish or just tired of the topics for a bit... donno.

      It's actually a handy feature, to be able to include supplementary materials without having to squeeze it into the storyline where it may or may not flow. I learned it from video games (where RPGs would often attach an encyclopedia discussing their world); and while it's not used historically in literature, it's catching on more and more in today's data-driven world.

      If there is one thing I know I am not, it is a LINGUIST. Honestly, I can't stand making up words, and I can't stand fantasy stories that feel the need to make up words (or twist a letter in a real word to make it look more 'fantasy-like'). There are enough fun quirks with other cultures and languages on EARTH that we don't need to make up one. There's a reason every word I use in writing Hyperion are just terms in another language -- usually a culture that the Hyperion nation is meant to reflect.

      Chorasmia is based on spelling of 'Khorasan', a region of eastern Persia (modern Iran/Afghanistan). In addition to Persia, that locale also marks the birthplace of the Abbasid (3rd) Caliphate, Timurid Empire, and Mughal Empire. On Earth, Persia has been somewhat weak since the first Islamic Caliphate defeated and absorbed the Sassanid Persian Empire... so Chorasmia reflects a bit of the same? On Hyperion they lay at the confluence of giants, stuck between the two Imperiums (the Rome/Byzantium-inspired Inner Sea Imperium and the Chinese/Mongol Dawn Imperium) and the Grand Republic. In volume 1, the Imperator mentions that Chorasmia is 'fighting off an invasion in the east', meant to reflect the Mongol Invasion of Khwarezmia

      Reply
  2. Aorii-chan, fight!

    I enjoy your chapters and am waiting patiently for the next. don't give up! go! go! go!

    Reply
  3. zog11

    I liked chapter 13 battles are always difficult things to write and it works well considering how much is going on. we don't know how badly Lotharin forces were damaged you might need to clarify in chapter 14. if your asking to knit pick or areas to improve, I think you seem to skip over the night between the battles too quickly. It feels as if something may have been cut or maybe should have been added, It makes the pacing rather fast. it also might be a missed opportunity for a wider perspective or a more personal interactions. (Kaede seems very isolated) just a suggestion.
    the only other point I would pick at,is that the effect of Vivienne on the battle are stated but the implication should have been seriously effective at protecting troops?
    the implications by Pascal seems cut off by other events (or is this intended?) maybe something for later chapters considering how effective it should or could be on troops.
    it 's a good chapter on the whole although poor Kaede seriously how much trauma can she take? (sympathy not suggesting anything) looking forward to the next chapter :-)

    Reply
    1. AoriiAorii Post author

      ummmm, you're certainly right that the pacing for this battle is rather rushed. It almost too apparent that I didn't want to spend too much time in this chapter ^^'
      I'll have to think about that. One of the lessons I learned from vol2 is that I don't want to spend too much time on alternate perspectives in the battles, but a lack of it also presents some major downsides =|

      The implications by Pascal at end of chapter is purposefully cut off as a bridge onto chapter 14...
      Thanks much for the feedback ^^

      Reply
      1. zog11

        Maybe the easiest thing to break it up a bit, maybe write a couple of sentences of reflection by kaede between the two days (her thoughts feelings while trying to sleep?) a shift in the readers perspective from the battle, its just a suggestion often small internal monologues can help with slowing pacing.
        I think the chapter is very good and engaging as is ! also I am reader not a writer so follow your own thoughts and instincts anyway because its amazingly good !I have nothing but admiration for your writing skills and I think its a great chapter!
        your welcome for the feedback :-D

        Reply
  4. Glacierfairy

    Oh, chapter 13 is fine actually. It is just that I don't think it is appropriate to make any witty comments over the grimness of warfare. And it is a job well done when your writing left me feeling sombre, so keep up the good work!

    Reply
  5. Hachi

    The new scene is awesome, I really like it. The characters and dialogue were interesting and fit well into the chapter.
    As for the maps in v3ch13, I like the clean look and how easy it is to grasp the situation. The special chapter also has my appreciation, having a resource to fall back on when reading this war arc is very helpful in getting a better idea of everything going on within the chaos (and out of it.)

    As for v3ch13? This is my opinion, so obviously I can't talk for others, but I really enjoyed it. I was excited at the beginning and hanging onto my seat the entire read through. Now I'm moderately desperate for v3ch14 (the wait always make the chapter that much more riveting.) I thought you did a good job of painting us a picture of the battle and all that was involved during the clash. It was clear, understandable and emotionally charged (Kaede... sweet Kaede...)

    Props to you, Aorii :)

    Reply
    1. AoriiAorii Post author

      Thanks for the input as usual Hachi ^^
      Since I'm not a professional writer with an experienced editor to back works up, I really rely on quality comments to analyze how I'm doing xD

      Reply
      1. xrick

        Quality comments... Competent Proof-Readers... You don't know how much I'm in dire need of those... :s
        Well, given that I'm writing my story in portuguese, my mother language, I guess I shot myself on the foot.
        It's so saddening when your own countrymen don't even try to value your work unless it's stated as official.

        So far, I've been kinda enjoying the story. I tend to simply read through the most complicated stuff to me, like the geopolitics and some battle moments hard for me to picture in my mind.
        The best moments, to me, are the daily life parts, since they tend to have funny or dramatic events for the characters' exposition and development and also because they're easier for me to visualize :p
        Too bad the artworks are basically on limbo for now. Those would help me a lot when trying to visualize the scenes.

        By the way, is Volume 03 still far from being complete?

        Reply
        1. AoriiAorii Post author

          Different cultures have different attitudes towards this kind of thing. Apparently the country that's easiest is... Iceland o_O (they have a ridiculous quantity of book publications per capita, as well as the highest books read per person)

          I expect around 4 more chapters. My hope is to finish it around end-of-year, but we'll have to see since I haven't been the most motivated individual as of late.

          Reply
          1. Hachi

            Interesting indeed! (I'm now jealous of Iceland ^^)

            @xrick I'm terribly sorry to hear the trouble you're having. I'd ask your friends if you haven't already, hopefully you'll make a lucky break and get the helpers you rightfully deserve. Best of luck to you!

            @Aorii You seem professional level to me even without an editor xD As much as I want the next chapters, if you're feeling burnt out there's no shame in taking a break from writing. (Go back to embarking space as a giant mushroom Aorii) Speaking of finishing the volume though, how far have you planned ahead? I remember you saying in a previous comment that you made it to volume 6 and this arc was grinding for EXP (of course my memory may be faulty.) Sounds like a lot of work (and fun)!

          2. AoriiAorii Post author

            Volume 2 was 'grinding for EXP' xD
            Volume 3-4 is one arc; and yes I planned until v6 for the moment.
            Also flattery is not good for my psych =P

          3. Hachi

            Oh it's not flattery. I've read a lot of books from various genres and age groups. Some of the tripe that finds its way onto the shelves of bookstores under popular publishing labels makes me question whether or not their editors read the novel. Quality writing is not defined by the brands or people (like editors) surrounding it, but rather the content itself.
            Thus, I regard high quality works like Daybreak as "professional level." ;) Just wanted to make clear my general feelings. See you next chapter!